It Comes To This
by Operatic
Summary: Two men battaling for the love of one woman must fight it out for the final time on stage. Yes, these two warriors shall take part in the age old tradition of karaoke.


**It Comes To This**

**I want to apologize in advance for this. I heard that Incomplete song on the radio, and for some reason this came into my mind. I am so sorry! Please keep in mind this is pure silliness, really not intended to be serious, and a tiny bit OOC (okay, a lot.) So please, don't kill me. I don't own Phantom of the Opera, any of the songs listed here, or any brand names in this story (especially not the Barbie Karaoke Machine-Really!)**

"You try my patience. Make your choice." Erik snarled at Christine. She gasped, tears forming in her eyes.

"I pick…I pick…" her eyes darted from man to man, trying to think logically. "I don't know who to pick!" Suddenly, a light bulb appeared above her head (not literally) and she jumped in joy (literally)

"I have an idea!" she cried out. Erik raised an eyebrow.Raoul whimpered. "Erik, where's that super-cool Barbie Karaoke Machine? The one with the neat pink microphones!"

"What?" Erik cried out, shifting his eyes around. "I most certainly do NOT have one of those!"

"Sure you do! You used it to serenade me when I came down here, remember? You made a point of showing me!"

Raoul looked at Erik, quite amused.

"Nonsense, my dear. You must be confused. The fop has one of those. Not me. DEFINITELY not me."

"Nuh-uh!" Raoul cried out, defensively. "My karaoke machine is Bratz! It's much cooler! It comes with a free inside-out visor!" he smirked and gave Christine a seductive "Yo!" she sighed.

"Raoul, it's not hip when you wear the visor normally." She turned to Erik. "Now seriously, where is it?"

Erik growled. "It's in your bedroom. I was singing as I tried on your dresses."

"WHAT?" Christine cried.

"Oh, wait a minute," Erik grinned. "That was our dear Victome, wasn't it?" he turned to the blushing fop.

"W-well, you see, um, Christine, I was, er…merely checking to make sure that those dresses were…safe! Safe for a…a lovely lady, such as yourself…I love you dearly!" he grinned, proud of himself for thinking so fast. Christine gave him a look.

"You don't actually think I believed that the Tropicana Twister stained your lips red, do you?"

"Hey, I didn't touch your makeup. I'd talk to Piangi, though, I've seen him hanging around your room a couple times."

"Oh yes," Erik interrupted the happy couple, a wide, sardonic grin on his face. "You shall speak to him…in HELL!" he laughed manically. "Bwa-ha ha ha ha!"

"What was that, Erik?" Christine asked.

"Nothing, pookie." He answered.

Without another word, she ran off to her own bedroom.

"Pookie?"

"Shut up, fop."

She soon returned, holding what appeared to be a…mass of pink. With to pink microphones, as mentioned. Raoul gaped at the machine, eyes wide.

"It's…beautiful!" he cried out, tears in his eyes. "It's my two favourite colours: pink and sparkly!"

"It's MINE!" Erik roared. Raoul cried.

"Boys, we are going to have a little competition. Erik, what songs do you have on this thing?"

Erik gave a big, cheesy smile at the readers of this story.

"Why, Christine, with the e-kara music machine, version Barbie, you can have as many songs as you like!"

"And at the low, low price of only $299.99 a month!" Christine said excitedly, staring at you with the same, creepy grin.

"Wow! What a steal!" Raoul chimed in. He'd stopped crying, and laughed the same creepy chuckle from 'Little Lotte'.

"GET YOURS TODAY!" they cried together.

"So, Christine, you won't let me die in a swordfight with the fop, but you'll let me die of embarrassment?" Erik asked, slightly more in character.

Christine shrugged her shoulders.

"Why not? This way is much more amusing for me. And besides," she added, giving him a large smile. "You aren't embarrassed at all. You like all the attention, don't you?"

Erik sighed staring at the floor. "Oh, I love to perform! I only wish I could! If it weren't for this damn face…" he sighed. "And also I can't tap-dance."

Christine looked at him, astonished. "You CAN'T TAP-DANCE?" she asked, shocked. "Why, I can teach you that!"

"Really?"

"Why sure! You see, it goes a little like this," she sang, doing a series of complicated moves.

"You mean a little like this?" he echoed, doing the exact same moves without a flaw.

"Now you're understanding everything!"

"C'mon Miss Daae, do the whole darn thing!" he sang. They tap-danced together perfectly. Ayesha stalked out of no where and began to dance with them, perfectly. Raoul was crying again, and this made him cry harder.

"Wow, that was fun! Lets do it again!" Erik cried, wiping sweat from his brow. Christine shook her head.

"First you must sing." She grinned evilly. Raoul instantly perked up.

"Ooh! Ooooh! Let me go first, oh please, oh please!"  
"IT'S MY MACHINE!" Erik growled again. Raoul cried.

"I WANT IT!"

"Give me Christine."

Raoul gave a pouty look at Christine, who immediately shook her head.

"She said no…" he said sadly.

"Give me one of her dresses."

Raoul gave a pouty look at Christine, who immediately shook her head.

"SHE SAID NO!" Raoul said, a little too loudly. "Meet me after the performance. I'll hook you up." He whispered. Erik nodded discreetly.

"Erik, will you sing for me?" Christine asked. Erik's heart melted. She was so cute when she wasn't breaking his heart in two!

"I can deny you nothing." He picked up one of the pink, sparkly, fuzzy microphones and began to sing.

_Nighttime sharpens_

_Heightens each sensa-_

"No, no, something I can really groove to!" she cried out. He smiled.

_You have come here_

_In pursuit of you deepest-_

Christine was giving him an annoyed look.

"What?"

"You KNOW what I MEAN, Erik." She said, exasperated. He sighed.

"Of course I do, love. Of course I do." He pressed a button on the e-kara Karaoke Machine, version Barbie, until he smiled.

"I'm doing this only for you, my love."

_You are_

_My fire!_

_My one_

_Desire!_

_Believe!_

_When I say!_

_That I want it thata way!_

He continued singing. Raoul screamed at him.

"CHRISTINE! HE STOLE MY SONG!"

"Shut up, Raoul." Christine said, mystified by Erik's voice. Truly, he was better than Nick, Brian, Howie, AND Kevin combined! (Not A.J., though. No, in Christine's eyes, A.J. was truly a GOD!)

_Cuz I want it THATA way!_

Erik finished the song beautifully. Christine clapped her hands, tears in her eyes. Even Raoul was silent as he sang. They both stared at him, speechless. Erik shifted uncomfortably.

"What?" he growled, impatient.

"That. Was. AMAZING!" Raoul gushed. Erik turned a bright red.

"Can I have your autograph?" Christine begged him. Erik grinned seductively.

"You can have more than that." He said, leaning in to kiss her. Raoul coughed.

"I believe it is my turn, Phantom!" he sneered. Christine looked disappointed, but handed him one of the microphones. Raoul, who was still tied up, had to do his best and sing without the karaoke machine hitting the water. He flipped through the song s, looking for a cheesy, romantic tune. He grinned and began to sing.

_L! Is for the way you look at-_

"MEOW!" Ayesha interrupted. Erik's face changed instantly from disgusted to adoring.

"I forgot to feed you didn't I, sweetums?" he asked, hugging the cat.

"You know, Erik, I love a man who loves animals." Christine smiled. Raoul frowned.

"Are you still mad that I ran over that donkey? I swear to God, the thing ran right in front of my car!"

"Raoul, cars aren't invented yet."

Erik went to one of his cupboards and pulled out a large bag of dog food. Christine stared at him, horrified.

"Erik, that's not cat food!"

"Of course not. It's PEOPLE food!" he said sarcastically. "Of course it's cat food! What else could it be?"

"DOG food!"

Erik stared at the bag in disbelief. He shook his head. "Nah, it couldn't be! Why do you say that?"

"Well, perhaps because there's a picture of a dog on the bag."

Erik stared at the bag, eyes wide. "I though that was a picture of what you shouldn't do! I've been feeding her this all her life!"

"MEOWOOF!" Ayesha cried.

Christine stared at the cat, not sure whether to be disturbed or amused.

"I'm terribly allergic to cats." Raoul sneezed into the microphone.

"Really?" Erik asked. He picked up Ayesha and carried her over to Raoul, shoving her under his nose. Raoul sneezed, his eyes watery.

"My boyish good looks!" he cried out, his nose running. Erik laughed madly.

"Erik!" Christine scolded. He immediately stepped away from the sneezing fop. Raoul sneezed so hard that he accidentally dropped the machine into the lake.

"NOOO!" Raoul screamed.

"NOOO! I mean, um, I don't care." Erik said, tears forming in his eyes.

"I can't believe it's gone…" Raoul sobbed.

"I know!" Erik cried. Raoul and Erik, both very out of character, hugged each other.

"I love you, man!" Raoul sobbed.

"I love you too, Dude!" Erik sobbed.

"Shhh! The slash writers will see!" Christine hissed.

"They're SO MEANT TO BE!" Crazy slash writer number 1 exclaimed.

"I know!" Crazy slash writer number 2 cried.

"Awww!" Cried all the crazy slash writers. Erik and Raoul broke away immediately.

"We never speak of this again." Erik told him. Raoul just cried.

"I loved that thing, man…"

"ENOUGH!" Erik cried. The cavern was silent. The only thing was to be heard was the crunching of popcorn from someone in the audience.

"They always have to do that at the quiet parts!" Christine moaned.

"Christine, enough of this! Make your choice!" Erik cried, back to his normal, slightly psycho self.

"I choose…" Christine stared at Raoul, hysterically blubbering. She then turned her attention to Erik, who was defiantly perspetrating. She wrinkled her nose.

"Erik, I'll choose you if you take a shower."

"I'll take a shower if you take it with me."

"What about me!" sobbed Raoul.

"I promise you, Raoul, I will buy you a Barbie Karaoke Machine if that's what you want."

Raoul instantly lightened up. "I can wear my visor with it!" he cried.

"Yeah, another thing about that, it's seriously uncool to wear a visor under your ponytail." Christine told him. Raoul sobbed again. Christine sighed. "And you can have one of my dresses." Raoul grinned.

"For real?"

"Yes."

"You are a saint! I LOVE YOU!" Raoul cried. Erik growled, picking up the rope. "But not in that way." He saved.

Christine and Erik soon got married and lived happily ever after. They had a child, who they named Barbie. They lived as normal a life as possible under the ground. As for Raoul? Raoul became a singing success with his Barbie Karaoke Machine. He did many commercials for e-kara. Once his singing career went under, he became a Latin singer under the name of Ricky Martin. He wasn't successful, so he devoted his life to fashion designing. Designing women's clothing. He was also successful as a model. Modeling women's clothing. He married Nick Carter and they adopted a child, who, also, was named Barbie.

**I am so sorry.**


End file.
